it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
