we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just gift wrapped bread.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
