According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
