Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
