Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
