i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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