im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
