Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
