Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
