I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
