I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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