Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
