I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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