I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
