I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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