Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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