I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
