just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
