awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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