I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
