Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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