I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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