She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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