I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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