he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Boobs speak an international language.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
