hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
