I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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