SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
