when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
