you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
