I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Someone came in the potted fern
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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