Me. At least after what I've been through.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
