So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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