Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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