At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
