Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
