im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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