She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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