Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
