sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
