FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
