I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
