Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
