I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
