God, you're like boner-b-gone
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
