I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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