wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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