I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
