just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I will be naked everywhere
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
