Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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