Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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