I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
